Moms have to deal with some pretty gross stuff. Some things you’re prepared for – like poopy diapers and runny noses. But then there are the things you might not have thought about before pushing that baby out of you. Things like the disgusting nub of umbilical cord that is hanging onto your baby’s belly button by a single gross thread and makes you want to gag when you see it. Or when you’re dying of thirst and take a huge gulp from your glass, only to realize your toddler got hold of it and the glass is filled with more backwash and goldfish crumbs than actual water. And don’t forget the floaters you have to fish out of the bathtub when your kid takes a huge poop during bath time.

Yep – moms’ lives are so glamorous. No wonder we see so many jokes and memes about moms drinking wine! And you know what goes great with wine?

Cheese!

Well, moms – you’re in luck! You don’t even have to make another miserable trip to the grocery store with your kids in tow, pushing around that f***ing huge car shopping cart while you shove snacks at your kids to keep them quiet and entertained. You can find cheese in your own home! All you need to do is to look for those sippy cups of milk that disappear all over your house. You know the ones – the cups that reappear days later with disgusting, rotten milk. We’re talking milk that’s more spoiled than your rich neighbor’s kid with the private school tuition that cost more than your mortgage, and who owns not one, but two ponies. Milk that isn’t milk at all anymore. It’s finely aged cheese.

Continue Reading