My Story of Postpartum Depression

By sunshineandholly on May 2, 2017

This is my story about my personal experience with postpartum depression. There is so much of this story that I’m not proud of, so much shame. But I feel the need to share it anyway. May is National Mental Health Awareness Month and it’s inspired me to put my story out there. I experienced postpartum depression after the birth of each of my children, but it was much stronger after my second child was born. I’ve never sat down to write out my experience and my feelings until now. I’m hoping my story will help other moms out there, moms like me who may not be aware that they’re suffering with PPD.

My Story of Postpartum Depression | sunshineandholly.com

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Successful Extended Breastfeeding with Low Milk Supply

By sunshineandholly on April 26, 2017

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Successful Extended Breastfeeding with Low Milk Supply

My breastfeeding experience with my first baby, Graham, wasn’t at all what I had imagined.

He was 4 weeks early and I never made enough milk after trying countless strategies to increase my supply. I wanted to breastfeed so badly and although I knew how blessed I was to have a beautiful, healthy son, I couldn’t get over the emotional aspect of not being able to exclusively breastfeed. He was supplemented from the beginning in the NICU and eventually quit breastfeeding at 5 months after he realized the bottle was faster and easier.

Successful Extended Breastfeeding with Low Milk Supply

Looking back, I really believe now that my low supply was the entire reason I ended up with postpartum depression. I felt like such a failure – my body let me down. I also felt judged by others and felt like I had to defend myself every time I pulled out a bottle for Graham. (In hindsight, no one cared how I fed my son. During Graham’s entire first year of life, I only had one instance of someone judging me and making me feel guilty about not breastfeeding.)

Successful Extended Breastfeeding with Low Milk Supply

After I came to terms with the fact that I was never going to produce enough milk for Graham, I started thinking about what I would do differently when I had a second baby. I was SO determined to make breastfeeding work the second time around and dreamed about sharing my success story of exclusively breastfeeding a second baby. Breastfeeding was one of the things I most looked forward to when thinking about having another child. After my failure with Graham, my heart just couldn’t heal – every time I saw someone else breastfeeding, I was sad. As my friends had babies and were able to breastfeed, I was happy for them. I truly was. But my heart still ached. Why wasn’t I able to produce enough milk? Was it because Graham was early? Was it because I wasn’t able to hold or feed him for 12 hours? Does my body not respond well to the pump? Do I have insufficient glandular tissue? Was it because I was on birth control for so long? Is it a genetic issue? Hell, was it the type of deodorant I was using during pregnancy?!

Well, the second time around I had a beautiful, term, perfect baby girl. And…I was STILL not able to produce enough milk.

But even with a low milk supply, Maddie nursed until she was 17 months old. And I couldn’t be more proud of what we accomplished.

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A Successful Natural Breech Birth Without a C-Section

By sunshineandholly on April 25, 2017

This is a personal birth story of a successful natural breech birth. I am not a doctor, so please follow your doctor or midwife’s advice during labor for a safe and successful birth. I am also NOT judging moms who have c-sections. The goal of labor is to bring a baby into the world the safest way for both mother and child.

natural breech birth | sunshineandholly.com

Our little Madeline made her “grand entrance” into this world on September 27th, 2014. I say “grand” because my sweet little girl was breech and came out butt first!

From the beginning, I knew I wanted to try for an unmedicated birth this time around. With my first baby, my son Graham, I had low milk supply and wasn’t able to breastfeed like I wanted. So this time, I didn’t want any drugs in my system to make sure that breastfeeding would (hopefully) get off to a better start.

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babies | baby | breastfeeding | family | Uncategorized

My Experience Breastfeeding in the NICU with Low Milk Supply

By sunshineandholly on April 3, 2017

This post may contain affiliate links. Purchasing through them helps support this website.

I always wanted to breastfeed.

It was something I’d always pictured doing when dreaming about being a mom. It seemed like such a sweet thing – a calm, snugly way to bond with your baby. And of course I wanted my babies to have all the wonderful benefits of breast milk!

breastfeeding nicu baby low milk supply | sunshineandholly.com

Graham was born 4 weeks early. I was certain I was going to have a 10lb, 2-week late baby, so you can imagine our surprise when he came so early, weighing in at just 6lbs 2oz. My labor and birth went smoothly – everything worked the way it was supposed to.

graham's birth breastfeeding low milk supply nicu | sunshineandholly.com

I was able to hold Graham for about 5 minutes after he was born, and then he was whisked off to the NICU so they could monitor his breathing. I didn’t get to hold him again or try to feed him for almost 12 hours. A lactation consultant was sent to my recovery room soon after the birth to show me how to pump. I really hadn’t thought much about pumping – I thought I’d have plenty of time to figure that out once my maternity leave came to an end. I started pumping that day every 3 hours…little did I know that I would be chained to that pump for a lot longer than I ever expected.

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