Motherhood Humor Archives - Page 2 of 4

Our Trip to the Emergency Room

By sunshineandholly on January 2, 2018

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One morning a few weeks ago I was busy packing lunches in the kitchen and the kids we’re playing together in our playroom. Just as I finish zipping up the lunch boxes, Graham comes running in the kitchen and tells me that Maddie has a ring stuck on her finger.

When she walks in, I see that it’s not a ring, but a grommet (like a washer for a bolt) that’s stuck tight on her pinkie finger.

I roll my eyes, and tell her not to put things like that on her finger. I sit down, and try to pull it off. No-go. She screams like a feral cat when I pull. So I grab some Vaseline and try again. Nope. More screaming – like I’m cutting off her finger. And the grommet doesn’t budge. It’s stuck.

I try to keep my cool, but I can feel the anxiety building in my chest. It was the last day of a long week. I had a manicure planned for the morning, and a lunch with friends scheduled for 11am. But I knew none of that was going to happen that morning.

I called Josh, and asked him what I should do. He said to try to wrap some floss around the finger, as close to the grommet as possible so I could make the finger smaller and be able to pull the grommet off. It worked once on YouTube! I tried that, but it was a huge, peppermint scented mess. It didn’t work at all, and Maddie was screaming and crying even more.

I called the pediatrician, and the conversation went like this:

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Things My Super Smart CPA Husband Can’t Do

By sunshineandholly on December 7, 2017

My husband is a smart guy. He holds a Masters degree, he’s a CPA, and he’s currently a Senior Tax Manager for a large multi-national corporation. He knows a ton about accounting, international tax, and the Marvel Universe. He’s an amazing dad and an almost-perfect husband. Almost.

Things My Super Smart CPA Husband Can't Do | sunshineandholly.com

But there are a few things that he is just not good at. And for a smart guy like him, I wonder sometimes how he can’t figure these simple things out.

Here are a few things my CPA husband can’t do:

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family | fun | motherhood | Motherhood Humor

Move Over Regina George, My Three-Year-Old is a Mean Girl

By sunshineandholly on November 27, 2017

We all know toddlers are tough. The “terrible twos” and “threenagers” can have even the most patient and calm mama pulling out her hair. My son, especially, was a defiant, manipulative, and aggressive two-year-old. And those were his good traits! (I’m kidding. He was difficult, but he’s now the sweetest preschooler you’ll ever meet.)

My daughter was still sweet when she was two. The “terrible twos” didn’t apply to her. Yes, she had her fair share of tantrums. But all-in-all, she was still cute and cuddly.

But now that she’s three? Holy cow! Move over Regina George, my three-year-old is a mean girl! Don’t be fooled – she may seem like your typical, sassy three-year-old, but in reality, she’s so much more than that. She’s the queen bee – the star, and the rest of us are just her little workers.

Luckily, my daughter is still super cute. So I guess I’ll keep her around. But, of course, any time I tell her she’s cute or that she’s being a sweet girl, she looks at me, judging and thinking, “Why are you so obsessed with me?”

She recently gave up naps. I tried to push them for a while, because by bedtime, she was acting crazy tired. But after a few days of her looking at me with that sassy look that seemed to say, “Mama, quit trying to make naps happen. It’s not going to happen!” I gave up on the naps.

Luckily she doesn’t know how to read and write, because I would totally be in her burn book. My page would read, “My mama is a pusher. A sad old nap pusher!”

Here are some other reasons my three-year-old is a mean girl:

She wears pink on Wednesdays.

And every other day. And don’t forget her tiara.

She has her own entourage.

Just like Regina had the plastics. Maddie has the plushies.

She stabs me in the back.

Must be something to do with all those episodes of Dexter I binge-watched while I was pregnant with her.

She spreads lies.

No, I didn’t say you could have cookies and ice cream for lunch.

She walks all over people.

Literally. She thinks I’m a playground.

She’s a bully.

She teases me, calls me names, and threatens me. Good thing she’s only 3 feet tall or I might actually be a little scared of her.

So how many of you have felt personally victimized by your three-year-old? Well, just know you’re not alone. They can be mean.

At least they’re cute!

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5 Questions My 4-Year-Old Has Asked Before 7am

By sunshineandholly on October 13, 2017

My son is the most inquisitive child I’ve ever met. Even when he was a baby, he was trying to take toys apart to figure out how they work. He wants to know everything about everything. And when he has a question, it’s a burning question. He’s gotta know the answer right away.

When he was two, he’d pitch humongous tantrums and scream and yell when I didn’t know the answers to his questions. Nothing like making your kid furious because you aren’t sure what’s inside that huge truck you just drove by.

“Uh…socks! It’s a sock truck! It holds boxes and boxes of socks! Now please stop screaming at me!”

He also had no problem telling me when I was wrong when he didn’t get the answer he wanted.

“No mama. The sky isn’t blue. It’s yellow.”

Ok buddy. Whatever you say!

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family | home | Motherhood Humor

5 Nice Things Parents Can’t Have

By sunshineandholly on October 9, 2017

So you just had a baby? Congrats! Welcome to parenthood. Being a parent is wonderful! Your home will now be filled with more love than you could ever imagine. And also more diapers, wipes, bottles, toys, burp cloths, and tons of other baby and kid gear that you never even knew existed… But that’s another post for another day.

Oh, by the way, you’re also going to lose a lot, now that you’re a parent. I’m sure you know the nights of a full 8-10 hours of sleep are gone, as well as the lazy Saturday mornings drinking coffee and catching up on the DVR until noon.

But you might not have thought about a few other things you’ll no longer get to have now that you’ve been initiated into your role as mom or dad. Here’s a list of a few things you may have to give up, if you have kids like mine.

5 Nice Things Parents Can’t Have

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