Will They Be Ok? – Worries From a Mom’s Heart During 2020

Will They Be Ok? – Worries From a Mom’s Heart During 2020

I’m so angry.

Angry all the time.

Angry at the lack of response from those in charge. Those with power.

Angry that they did not prioritize the children. The families. The bars are open, but not the schools.

Angry at those people just living their normal lives. Going and doing. Does corona not exist for people outside of the city?

But shhh – I can’t talk about all of that. It’s too political. Judgemental. Be quiet, accept it. It is what it is. I keep hearing, “You’re doing great, mama. Keep up the good work!”

But I’m not doing great. I’m not ok. Not at all.

This isn’t the life I wanted for us.

This isn’t the life I wanted for my kids.

Plugged in.

Connected. To the internet that is, not to people.

Good morning, children! Power up the Chromebook. Put on your headphones. Submit the assignment. Don’t forget to record your answer with the microphone button. Sit still. No, we can’t go outside right now. There’s too much work to do. Play? Oh no – playtime isn’t for children. Here – take this iPad and watch this video of other children playing together.

Overwhelming monotony for us all.

No hope.

Trashed dreams.

Trashed traditions.

Virtual learning all day. Daylight savings. Little sunlight left to play.

TGIF! It’s the weekend! Oh, wait. Just two more days to try and fill. My family turns to me. What are we going to do today, mama? I don’t know baby… I don’t know.

Day after day after day after day. Sameness. Gray. I step outside to feel the sun on my face. Am I still living? No, just surviving.

I’m the mom, the lunchroom lady, the counselor, the nurse, the PE teacher, the front office, the principal, the yearbook picture photographer…this list could go on forever…

All the arguing. All the negotiating. If you have kids, you know how it is. Trying to get them to do what you need them to do. Battles. All day long. Battle of wills.

Trying to get through each day without ruining their mental health or yours. We all probably need therapy.

Hopeless. Heartsick. Tired.

Homesick for people. Sick of my home.

Bored. Empty. Drained.

I know there are those who have it a million times worse than I do. Thinking about them makes me feel more guilty.

The guilt is choking me.

Should we quit? Drop out of school? Move? Give up? I don’t know the answer…

If we stick it out, how much damage will we take? Can the moments of love win over everything else?

Will they be ok?