I’d Rather Be a Lazy Mom than an Angry Mom
I always knew I wanted to be a mom. It was the one thing I knew for sure that I was going to do once I was an adult. And like most people without kids, I knew I was going to be the best mom ever. I had super high expectations for myself and I’ll admit, I was a little judgemental towards other parents that didn’t do things the way that I thought was best.
But after having 2 kids in 2 years, I quickly realized that I wasn’t going to live up to my unreasonable expectations. Trying to do it all was slowly driving me crazy. I was angry all the time. Angry at myself for not living up to my expectations, angry at my kids for being so needy, angry at my husband for not being home to help out. I knew I was going to have to let some things go.
But I had a really hard time with the guilt of not being able to do it all. And to be honest, I still struggle so much with the (completely unjustified) shame I feel when I think about everything I *should* be doing. (I know, I know – it’s silly. I know I’m a great mom. It’s that perfectionist side of me coming out!) The hard lesson I had to learn is that no matter what expectations you put on yourself for motherhood, moms are still human. We still have our own needs and wants, past trauma and baggage, flaws and shortcomings. We want what’s best for our kids, but we can’t destroy ourselves in order to give them the best. Because first and foremost, our kids need a mom. A mentally healthy, present, caring mom.
I knew I had to start letting some things go that in the grand scheme of things, weren’t that important. And I received some judgment. I’m sure some people thought I was just being lazy. But I would rather be a lazy mom than an angry mom. And if skipping out on some small things gave me the energy and mental capacity to be able to handle the important stuff, that was the way things were going to be for our family.
What things have you had to let go to keep your sanity during the last few years?
