I’m super excited. Even though the laptop is a hand-me-down from someone else in my department and has a broken clasp…I still love it! Movin on up!
To be or not to be a young mom.
That is the question that’s been on my mind lately.
Ever since I can remember, I’ve wanted to be a mom. When I met Josh in college and fell in love, my plan was to get married, teach, and have babies. But after a terrible student teaching experience, I decided not to use my teaching degree and go back to get my masters. So I put my “baby dream” on hold. After I graduated, I felt like I had worked so darn hard for that degree and I wanted to use it! So I looked for a job…and finally found one…even though it wasn’t exactly what I was looking for. All my friends were starting their careers – and I wanted to fit in and start mine too! Plus, I had just gotten married and was enjoying being a newlywed. 🙂 We had dinner parties with friends, walks at the park, weekend trips, long vacations…we bought a house, painted, built a deck, gutted the kitchen, decorated, etc etc etc! Life was busy and moving at a super speedy pace! Also, no one I knew was having kids. That was the furthest thing from all my girlfriends minds! And I wasn’t thinking about them either.
But then…I got laid off. And it rocked my life. It shocked me to the core.
And I really started thinking about my life’s path. I really struggled with figuring out what my purpose was in life. I wasn’t meant to be a teacher. I wasn’t meant to have a corporate job. What was I supposed to do? What is God’s plan for me?
Around this same time, I found out that one of my friends from my old job got pregnant. (And she was just a year older than me!) That’s when I remembered how much I wanted to be a mom. It’s almost like that reminded me that it was ok to have a child young in life. Just because none of my friends were ready, doesn’t mean that everyone should wait until their 30+. And I remembered my dream from college – how I wanted to teach because of the awesome work schedule – a schedule that is great for working mothers. A schedule that would allow me to have a baby and be a young mom. I realized I had never given up on that dream of being a young mom…I had just put it on hold…forgotten about it…
After a few months of unemployment, I got the job I have now. But that desire – that wish to have a baby – it’s still there. Full and strong on my heart.
But now…well…I’m scared to take that jump. I’m not naive – I know that having a baby will change everything. My entire life will be different. I still don’t have any close friends that have children…and I’m scared to be the first. I’m scared I’ll be left out – I worry I wouldn’t get invited places…and that even if I did get invited, I wouldn’t be able to go because I had to stay home with the baby.
Plus, I have in my mind a “baby bucket list” of things I want to do before we have kids. Things that you shouldn’t do with kids (like a crazy weekend in Vegas) and things that I know we need to do NOW or we’ll never do them after we’ve had kids (like re-do the kitchen). But the longer I go wanting a baby…the less important many of those “baby bucket list” items become.
Yesterday, I stumbled across the quote below on this blog. It’s funny that it’s a quote from Steve Jobs…and I’m applying it to my wish to have a baby. 🙂 But it spoke to me.
“Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.”
– Steve Jobs
Maybe I don’t need to listen to my friends – I know they feel they’re too young to have kids…but maybe that’s what’s right for them…but not for me. Afterall – I got engaged, married, and bought a house before most of my friends. And I had no issue jumping right in to those decisions. I didn’t care that I was the first – that’s what I wanted…so I did it! And I don’t regret anything!
As for following my heart – I know what it says. My heart speaks loud and clear anytime I see a picture of a baby. 🙂 And the fact that the items on my baby bucket list are becoming less important – I think that also speaks to what my heart is feeling.
And my intuition…well…that’s where I get lost. How do I know if I’m ready? I’ve been praying for God to tell me if that’s my plan – if I’m ready – if I’m supposed to be a young mom. And I haven’t seen any signs or felt any less-scared.
BUT (here’s my secret) the one huge item on my baby bucket list – the one thing I really really wanted to do…
Well…I think we’re getting close to being able to do it!!!
Is that God’s way of telling me I’m ready? By allowing me to cross the biggest, most expensive, “most wanted” item off my list? I still have no clue.
So I’ll keep praying…and waiting…and dreaming about future Baby D. 🙂
So I really wanted to do a blog post about the church that Josh and I have been involved with. But I really wanted to wait until I had enough time to fully explain what we were doing and put it in my own words.
If you live in or around Atlanta, you’ve probably heard of the HUGE church in Alpharetta, GA called North Point Church. Well, North Point got so big that they started to branch out – they started “satellite churchs” in downtown Atlanta (Buckhead Church) and another one in Cumming, GA (Brownsbridge Church). The pastor, Andy Stanley, preaches on Sunday morning at North Point – and Buckhead and Brownsbridge have these big screens where they project the live video of Andy preaching. He really looks like he’s there! Anyway, these churchs got so popular, that people who lived in other parts of Georgia and even in other states wanted to share in the messages and style of these churchs. So now there are a bunch of these type of churchs poping up all over the country.
We were going to a church called Rehoboth Baptist – we ended up there because (1) it was super close to our house, (2) they were the only church we could find in our area that had a contemporary, modern style service, (3) we liked the preacher and (4) they offered small groups. However, the church had a lot of “politics” and seemed divided between the younger generations in the contemporary service and the older generations that attended the traditional service. Eventually, the pastor we liked decided to leave (for “political” reasons, to put it nicely). A couple in our small group also decided to stop going to the church (but kept coming to our small group). About a month later, that couple approached us to tell us that they had joined up with a group of 4 other couples (who also once attended Rehoboth) that were trying to start a North Point Strategic Partner church on the east side of Atlanta. We were intrigued, so we met with the guy who was leading it up – Tensley. He told us about his dream to create a church that people who didn’t go to church wanted to go to.
We’ve been involved since October and…we love it!!! The mission of the church is “to lead people into a growing relationship with Jesus Christ by creating irresistible environments that make it easy for people to turn to God.” Basically, the whole mission of the church is to be a church that people who don’t go to church actually want to go to and that they will love to attend. And I have first hand experience in that – I resisted church so long and it wasn’t until I met Josh in college that I finally started believing and actually wanting to go to church.
The mission of this church stands out to me and really resonates with what I believe. The church focuses on community and small groups, shares messages that are relevant to our lives, and – most importantly – helps people grow closer to God. It’s SO exciting to be involved in something like this! I prayed so much when I was laid off for God to show me what to do in life – to give me a purpose. I really believe he led me to this and I hope we can help other people find what I’m finding!
If you live on the east side of Atlanta, you should check us out!