A Letter to Me Before You

Motherhood changes you. The person I was before I had children doesn’t exist anymore. I’ve been molded by my experiences, shaped into something new. Each day of pregnancy, each milestone of infancy, each moment of motherhood has carved and chiseled and scraped and sculpted me into who I am today.

Pregnancy obviously reshapes your body, but motherhood reshapes your heart and soul. It tests you to the limit, brings you to the breaking point, and then builds you back up. Each failure is followed by moments of joy, each heartbreak comes with a period of healing. For some, motherhood really does completely tear us down. Postpartum depression and anxiety can make us feel like we’re past the point of no return. But somehow, we survive. Somehow, we pick up the pieces and put them back together into something new. Something stronger…

Even when we’ve failed so much that we think we’ll never come back, there’s always forgiveness. There’s always a new day.

If I were able to write a letter to the person I was before I was “mama,” I would tell myself – you have no idea. You have no idea what’s to come. How can you – you won’t even exist. You’ll be a whole new woman. You’ll be mama.

You have no idea.

You have no idea how excited you’ll be to see those two pink lines. How fun it will be to tell your friends and family the news. How sick you’ll be. How good you’ll get at “puking and rallying.”

You have no idea how special those first few kicks will feel. The bond you’ll have with someone that hasn’t been born, someone you don’t even know. How incredibly uncomfortable that last month will be.

You have no idea how sweet your babies will smell. The love you’ll feel that fills your heart close to bursting.

You have no idea how hard it will be to handle the sleep deprivation. That taking a shower and brushing your teeth will become optional on some days. How much you’ll lower your standards when it comes to how you look before you leave the house.

You have no idea how many hours you’ll cry. How many hours you’ll spend worrying. How many hours you’ll spend staring at someone else’s face. How many times you’ll check to make sure they’re still breathing.

You have no idea how much more your husband will annoy you. How much you’ll resent him. How much more you’ll love him.

You have no idea how hard it will be to lose the baby weight. How much more you’ll appreciate your body and what it’s capable of doing. How much you’ll hate your breasts for failing you in breastfeeding.

You have no idea how fast time will fly. The amount of laundry you’ll end up doing. How messy your house will become. The level of “stickiness” you’ll come to accept in your home.

You have no idea how many times you’ll repeat yourself each day. How much you’ll struggle. How much you’ll feel like a complete failure.

You have no idea how sad they will make you. How crazy they will make you. How disappointed you’ll be.

You have no idea how little control you’ll have. How much control you’ll have to give up. How much of yourself you will have to give up.

You have no idea the strength of the anger you’ll feel when you’re struggling with postpartum depression.

You have no idea how much you’ll come to trust in Jesus.

You have no idea how much you will change.

You have no idea how fiercely you’ll love them.

You have no idea how brave you’ll be.

You have no idea the amazing woman you’ll become.

I’ve linked up with some other amazing mama bloggers today. Make sure to check out their posts below!

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