The Promise of September

August is always a difficult month for me.

Most of the public schools have started back, but our church-run preschool doesn’t start until after Labor Day. Usually by August, I’m burnt out, exhausted, and in desperate need of some kid-free time. Mama needs a break!

August days are long and hot (or rainy seems to be the case for this year). The kids are bored, I’m bored. By August, we’ve done all the fun summer activities so many times that they don’t seem fun anymore.  We’re over it and ready for school to start. I seem to loose my cool more often than not. And then there’s the cycle of yelling and guilt that seems to control me on my bad days.

The fall seems so far away. And my thoughts are as heavy as the hot, humid August air. Am I a terrible mother? I yell a lot. Why do my kid’s seem to misbehave so much? Shouldn’t I want to “savor every moment” with my children? Why am I in such a hurry for them to start school and be away from me? Does that mean I’m a bad mom?

By August, I’m not really very fun. We’ve finished our summer bucket list and we’ve been on our summer adventures. In August, I’m just trying to make it to bedtime, trying to get through the day, trying to control my anger, trying not to yell, trying not to cry. 

By August, I feel like a big fat failure.

In August, I feel like people are staring at me when we’re out in public. Staring at the crazy mom loosing her sh*t at the playground or at Chick-Fil-A. I probably look like a hot mess – the workout clothes, the messy mom-bun. Speaking angry words to my children in public. Yelling.

I wonder if I’m really cut out for this?

August it tough. But just when I think it can’t get any hotter, just when the heat is almost suffocating, just when the humidity reaches a point where the air itself feels damp, just when I think I can’t take it anymore, that’s when I feel it…

A cool September breeze. The slight chill in the air in the morning. The drop in the temperature in the evening, after the August sun sinks down and goes to bed.

September is coming.  With a promise of a break. From the heat, from the constant activity, from the millions of questions, thousands of snacks, loads of wet towels, from the cycle of yelling and guilt. A break for this stressed, frazzled, exhausted Mama.

In September, I’m able to take some time to think, to regroup, to assess, to pray. I’m a better person when I have a break. I’m a better mom in September.

I love that promise of September.